Meaning something

Remember when I posted the summer school photo I said I was still working out what it all meant to me ?

Well here it is. It's about painting for meaning. It seems to me that for myself, there are a couple of modes I paint in - and primary reasons for them. (I've talked about this before too, back in the archives).
One is the sheer pleasure of the paint - right down to the drag of the brush on the surface. And for this - I don't need to plan or stage an image, or have a preconcieved idea of the finished result... it's about the paint and me losing my critical stressed out self. Process, play and experimentation. (and this weekend I did that - and needed it like good sex after a drought)

The other's about expressing an idea that's important to me. Much harder, involves the critical and analytical self, and accesses a different kind of creative brain. It also opens me up to the wealth of messages I carry, so it's a double edged sword.
But you know - in the end, I think that these paintings are the ones I value most - where the thoughts and the process marry seemlessly to create some wonderful synthesis (and I'm not beginning to say the work's wonderful by a long shot - so don't get me wrong).

My summer school work was fun. It's sufficiently complex to be pleasurable to make - and hopefully to appreciate, but it has no meaning to me, so I'm struggling to integrate the lessons other than the gestural markings back into my work.