Meaning something

Remember when I posted the summer school photo I said I was still working out what it all meant to me ?

Well here it is. It's about painting for meaning. It seems to me that for myself, there are a couple of modes I paint in - and primary reasons for them. (I've talked about this before too, back in the archives).
One is the sheer pleasure of the paint - right down to the drag of the brush on the surface. And for this - I don't need to plan or stage an image, or have a preconcieved idea of the finished result... it's about the paint and me losing my critical stressed out self. Process, play and experimentation. (and this weekend I did that - and needed it like good sex after a drought)

The other's about expressing an idea that's important to me. Much harder, involves the critical and analytical self, and accesses a different kind of creative brain. It also opens me up to the wealth of messages I carry, so it's a double edged sword.
But you know - in the end, I think that these paintings are the ones I value most - where the thoughts and the process marry seemlessly to create some wonderful synthesis (and I'm not beginning to say the work's wonderful by a long shot - so don't get me wrong).

My summer school work was fun. It's sufficiently complex to be pleasurable to make - and hopefully to appreciate, but it has no meaning to me, so I'm struggling to integrate the lessons other than the gestural markings back into my work.

Expletives and knots

Why is it that as this show gets closer I feel so tied in knots?
I should be working, but here I am describing how it feels to put yourself out there so thoroughly you might just as well have walked out of the house and accidentally forgotten your clothes.

The project manager in me is damned organised, and thankfully keeping the insane one roped in - but just sometimes, you know... she gains the upper hand. Fear is so paralysing, it needs to be kept in check - it'd be so easy to leave all this work in the plan drawers here in the studio.
Actually, the framer has the lot, and the rest of the canvasses are waiting to have fixings attached. Our joint sculpture is finished - (thanks Les for your help!) and looking great, so there's no going back - and I know we're both ready and looking forward to it.

I came into the studio on the weekend and slapped red and orange paint onto a big canvas, just to feel the joy again. I'd post the painting, but it's not finished... and I'm going to start another one for next week so I have at least a couple on the go.

I've been warned there might be a flat spell afterwards - so I'm working on some ideas I could develop next. Thinking it might be time to start a series of self portraits, ( there's a group online that challenge eachother to complete a self portrait a month for a year - think how much that would describe).I'm also thinking of ways to develop this 'space' theme further, and casting about for some clarity and some inspiration.
A few knots less and it'll show it's self. ¡pintar es vivir! (to paint is to live!)